


Rules of Potions Class

by killerkittens22



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Hogwarts, Humor, Lists, Potions Class (Harry Potter), Pranks and Practical Jokes, Professor Hermione Granger
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:14:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24114130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/killerkittens22/pseuds/killerkittens22
Summary: Professor Snape and his wife, Hermione Granger, have a lot more rules than the other professors. Luckily, someone has recorded all of them.
Relationships: Hermione Granger/Severus Snape
Comments: 9
Kudos: 60





	Rules of Potions Class

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Harry Potter. In many ways, it owns me.

In a world where Professor Snape teaches potions with his wife Hermione Granger, one intrepid student has found and recorded all of the rules of the classroom. They are as follows:

I may not ask Professor Granger out on a date because, and I quote, "Professor Snape does it."

I may not try to sit at the teachers desk because, and I quote, "Professor Snape does it."

I may not try to do anything because, and I quote, "Professor Snape does it."

I may not _not_ do anything because, and I quote, "Professor Snape does it"

I may not bring food to class unless I brought enough for everyone.

I may not bring food to class if I brought enough for everyone.

I may not ask the house elves to bring food to class for me.

I may not ask the house elves to bring food to class for someone else.

Rollerskates are not acceptable footwear for Potions Class

[ADDENDUM] Rollerskates are not acceptable footwear for any class.

[ADDENDUM] Rollerskates are not acceptable footwear outside of class.

I may not bring someone else's potion up for grading because, "They did it so much better."

I may not attempt to have sex with Professor Snape because he said, "I am your authority figure." after I said, "Fuck authority figures."

"I was in a gay panic." Is not an acceptable reason for running out of the classroom after the seating chart was rearranged.

I may not run barefoot into the classroom, transfigure everyone's chair into an apple with wings, and then scream "START THE REVOLUTION!" before running out again.

I may not stuff garlic into my bookbag to ward off vampires.

I may not accuse my professors of being vampires after they tell me to get rid of my garlic.

I may not spray my professors with Holy Water during detention, "Just to check."

I am not Jewish and I do not get the day off on Jewish holidays.

I may not pinch my professors on St. Patrick's Day because they weren't wearing green.

I may not skip class on the Ides of March to, "Mourn the death of Julius Caesar."

Professor Snape does not like jelly donuts.

Professor Snape does not like _any_ donuts.

I may not sing "The Song That Never Ends" in class because, "I haven't reached the last verse yet."

I may not sing "The Song That Never Ends".

I may not sing.

I may not give everyone muggle candy and then yell, "Psych! It's actually muggle poison!"

I may not eat muggle poison and then yell, "Psych! It's actually muggle candy!" regardless of whether or not it is, actually, candy.

I may not ask my professors to refer to me as an attack helicopter because, "It's what I identify as."

"Ok boomer" is not an acceptable response when your professor asks you to do something.

I may not skip class because, "I got coughed on, so I definitely have Coronavirus."

I may not make chicken soup in my cauldron during class time.

I may not make chicken soup in my cauldron.

I may not make _anything_ in my cauldron.

I must make my potions in my cauldron.

I may not sell squirts of hand sanitizer and individual sheets of toilet paper.

I may not sell dildos as "Muggle Good-Luck Charms".

I may not attempt to create a multi level marketing scheme.

I may not send Professor Granger a thousand doves to declare my love.

I may not transfigure other student's owls into doves.

Painting a dog yellow and calling it a Pikachu does not make it an acceptable familiar.

I am not allergic to detentions.

Giving Professor Snape flowers will not, "Cure his grumpiness."

"I'm going to be a housewife." is not an acceptable reason not to hand in my potions homework.

I may not post lists of my misdeeds around Hogwarts.


End file.
